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January 1st, 2009

Well what can i say? my grandfather has just reached his last days.

it is now confirmed my grandfather is due to die in the next couple of weeks.

he is on his death bed, we tried to keep him home as much as possible, but has now been moved to hospital. he is in "the black room".

RL has been shit as i have had to continue to work, so as my parents can keep an eye on everything. My family has started organising the funeral..... he isnt even gone yet.

he has called everyone one in to talk, hes finding it hard keeping his strength. he has lost more weight and is now looking like a skelton on legs. i just want to be able to say goodbye and that i love him.....

due to it being new years........ i wish everyone a new year.... my new years revolution.... DONT TAKE ANYONE FOR GRANTED.

As everyone pretty much knows i dont post alot in the fanforum sites.... and really with work and my grandfather i dont really have the time.... but i do LURK.

and i would like to say..... i dont know the back ground of the post written in the news thread on nikkis thread... but really.... i appreciated the video... i support nikki and I SIGNED THE PETITION.

just because i didnt get a personal thank you doesnt mean i am not appreciated as her fan... nikki stated in her video she THANKS ALL FANS.... whether or not she thanked individuals is her right really... i am just grateful she took the time out to say thanks.


one message shouldnt tear a whole thread apart ...... we support nikki for who she is as a person.... thats the important thing.

November 18th, 2008

At the end of this month it will be 1 year since my family was informed that my healthy grandfather was diagnosed with motor norine disease. Unfortunately not much information is available of this disease and there is no cure. Basically your whole body shuts down.

When we were all informed i think we stayed in complete shock mode for the first 2 months, or i like to think complete denial.

my grandfather was always active. he had retired and 3 days a week would play golf and socialise with his mates.

none of the doctors can pin point how he got the disease...

watching my grandfather a year later... is breaking my heart... my grandfather was 84kg. which for his stature was ok. not even a year later... he has dropped to just 63kg.

he use to take pride in shaving and keeping himself preened. unfortunately he has to now use an electric razor as he doesnt have the energy or strength to hold a normal razor.

hes now slurring his speech which is also a part of what happens.... to speak to him you would think he is drunk.... he hasnt even touched a beer :(

the family finally decided to have an early xmas as we recieved news from his doctor that it might be the end of the year and then he will gone. when we were first given the news, we were told roughly 3 years. but due to his diterating so quickly... they are now looking at months.

how does one get their head around it?..... let alone to the person its happening to... we have all spent alone time with him... trying to keep his mind off anything his thinking... he told me he loved me and that he was so proud with what i have accomplished. (which really isnt much at all).

i sat there and listened to his stories of him and my grandmother....he then turned to me and told me that hes had enough, the pain he cant handle anymore... he asked me to help him end it.... i told him i couldnt, it wasnt right.... but in that instant seeing his face in so much pain i wanted too, so bad. he also told me he has told my father, he is not to be resuscitated.

at the time i didnt know, but later found out that my aunty had came and overheard my grandfathers request.... she started on me about never doing what he had asked of me.

i told her i wanted to... to see him go through this pain is breaking me.... she has demanded i not be allowed near him on my own... she called me a bitch amongst other things and said i will never get to spend anymore more time then necessary with him.

unfortunately my grandfather had heard the argument and tried to get out of bed (he is now in a wheelchair - the diesease shuts down the nervous system). he had also hurt himself and in doing so, my aunty now death stares me to no end.

everyone has spoken their opinion on the matter....i called them selfish. they are trying to prolong someones death because they dont want him to go (either do i), but i also dont want to sit there and see him going through so much pain either. i told them when hes ready to i will stand back and let him, let him finally be put to peace. my aunties then informed me that if he happens to go, they WILL resuscitate him.

the question is why? because they want him around longer?... we all do... but to prolong his pain and death to keep them happy?

i just want him to finally be at rest and they cant understand that..... i told him i loved him today... and that when he was ready to go, to do so.. that he will never be forgotten and no one will love him any less....

i see him trying to fight everyday... to just keep one step ahead... to keep everyone happy with him still being here.... but i cant forget the grief on his face or the tears that stream from his eyes because i know what hes true choice would be given the chance...

am i heartless because i want to him finally rid of hurt, pain and suffering? and if the only way is to pass on, is it so wrong to hope he passes in peace??

or are my aunties so selfish in their love for him that they still want him around and to prolong the suffering??

i know for a fact my aunties are timing his death, he has written up his will that everything is to equaled out amongst the children... that goes for money... i also know in his life insurance that if he reaches a certain age so much is given to the older children from his super.... is this why they want him around???

i hate to sit here watching my grandfather die.... but i dont have the guts to help him..... my aunties are constantly around me... watching... i try to stay at work and keep busy... but i cant most days... i try sneaking in... but they are always there... guarding him.. my father told them to stop being so rediculous... but they continue to watch me like a hawk... hes my flesh and blood... my fav of all my family... and hes being kept out of my reach... i did sneak in the other night... i just laid there next him.... just thinking and talking.... if he was awake he never let on...

off to work again to keep the pain away.... keeping busy is the key?????

November 16th, 2008

You Are An ENTJ

The Executive

You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others.

Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise.

Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow.

You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence.

In love, you hold high standards... for yourself, for your relationship, and for your significant other.

While it's easy for you to impress others, it's hard for you to find someone who impresses you.

At work, you are organized and good at delegating. You understand how to achieve goals.

You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant.

How you see yourself: Rational, calm, and objective

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Inflexible, controlling, and overbearing

November 12th, 2008

OK i want my say......


so basically i found out just recently that some "ZANHOS" were lurking in area they had no right to be in.

of course they would be all interested in wanting to know what gets said in "shadow", however, THAT IS NONE OF YOUR F*IN BUSINESS.

you people sit there and criticise a girl who has never done anything wrong. oh sorry shes friends with a guy. my bad. oh thats right Zac cant be FRIENDS with anyone else but V. SORRY get your heads out of the clouds.

you people worship an "attention seeker", want to know why V never regretted those pics? its simple..... it gave her a household name.... hell she would be a no body. only that she dates? a famous guy and her private parts have been viewed by all on the internett... oh shes special alright *rolls eyes*. shes so special her album flunked, shes in disney movies only... and she cant sing for shit.

however, you sit there and ridicule NIKKI who has the talent, courage and personality to shit all over "little baby v". and you simply dont like her because Zac happens to like her YES AS A PERSON...wow.... ok are we keeping up???

lets get onto the topic of relationships/friendships...... Zac maybe dating V but for how long do you think that will last? you people all think its a fairytale..... hes muturing into a grown man and shes still acting the little schoolkid who thrives on bad attention to get noticed.

Nikki is heading on with her life and has made MANY friends along the way, one just happens to be Zac. sit there and judge Nikki, but really you cant say anything bad about her.... you need to go through and reavaluate your judgement on the hairspray promos.... nikki didnt force zac to do anything and HE NEVER got sick of her... thats why every second photo hes looking so happy.

i seen a side of zac on the promos i had never seen. to me Zac was COMLPETELTY himself, goofball, dork and all when he was with nikki.
with V he seems to be a puppet on a string, she pulls and pulls until he goes the way she wants.

oh and another thing "little baby V"? what the fuck is up with that name?? SHES neally 20 years old. SHE NEEDS TO GROW UP.

you sit there and say nikki is riding on Zacs coattails.......PLEASE... Nikki is getting herself known.... CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK MAYBE

i will leave this post public and really i dare you to enter and comment and lets see how you handle yourself..... I AM SICK OF YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS A GIRL WHO SIMPLY SHITS ALL OVER YOUR HACK TALENT WANNABE LITTLE PRINCESS........

October 25th, 2008

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

can you read and understand it???

September 26th, 2008

over people hating my girl

i just recently seen the new pictures of nikki blonsky, singing at her debut and i have to say she looks extremely happy. it is good to see with everything recently going she is able to put everything else aside and just do what she does best.

i am over people putting her down, LOT DUE TO HER WEIGHT. i have to say from the pics she has lost a lot of weight. either from the stress or she just wanted to do it for herself and good on her. what is giving me the shits however is peoples views on things....
firstly she was to big.... now people are saying shes copping out.

in regards to her interview regarding zac efron..... good on her for not dismissing something that obviously meant alot to her. he was/is there for her when she needed a friend the most. i find it funny also that others sat there and insisted that the "zikki" friendship was only for show and for the hairspray promotions. well 1 year later, from both zac and nikki, they are still "best friends".

i am also fed up with "zanessa" fans hating on nikki cause of the "zikki" friendship. they see nikki as a threat and really if "zanessa" was so happy... why??? why do they think that??

people hate nikki for stupid reasons and mostly stem to the whole vanessa/zac relationship. nikki has never done anything for them to hate her.

in regards to the fight situation..... no one but the persons involved really know what happened... and like nikki said "people will finally get to know what really happened", until then dont judge the girl. nikki has always came out and shown herself, i dont believe she has been fake or put a show on for anyone. i believe what you see in nikki is how she really is.

all i can do is wish nikki all the best in whatever she decides to do and hope everything goes according to her plans and dreams

June 11th, 2008

Behold... My Future
  I will marry shane.  
  After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in new york in our fabulous Apartment.  
  We will have 7 kid(s) together.  
  Our family will zoom around in a purple nissan silvia.
  I will spend my days as a cio, and live happily ever after.  
whats your future

April 12th, 2008

hey my school friend/ friend will be starring in a musical at the end of the year. called tell me on a sunday.

here are a couple of vids of her when she did it takes two

let me know what you think.

sorry its in australia

abit of back ground - i spent my last 2 years at melville high kempsey with her and other friends. we do try to keep in touch but she also stars in a drama series called all saints so with my work and hers find it hard to keep in touch

(this is my favourite)


January 29th, 2008

sorry need to rant

sorry have to say this.....

i went on just jared to check out pics of zac... and my god... how childish are people... all zanessa fans really wanted to know was where was vanessa.

personally who gives a fuck the night was about zac and HIS movie. not the SO CALLED loved up couple.

to me the ZANESSA fans are just supporters of the "couple" not the individual. and really if thats zacs fan base, i do feel really sorry for him.

on a happier note....

nikki blonsky... i had no idea who she was until i seen a vid on yt in regards hairspray premiere, i watched her interviews and thought "hey shes a cool chick, who has an awesome personality and really energetic and bubbly"

then i seen the interviews with her and zac and i thought "hang on - for him to be acting this way wih her, there is obviously something about her".

i really feel in love with nikki before the whole zikki came along.

after that i had to go and see hairspray and thats when i feel in love with the both of them. their chemistry didnt just stop on the screnes.

i lurked around trying to find a nikki blonsky thread and unfortunately nothing really showed until a zac/nikki thread came on fan forum. 

now all i can say is i joined, i chatted and have now met some extremely nice girls and ken ;)  who welcomed me in with my love of zikki.

ps  i wanna know........ whos nikkis..... new-ish and good - ish???????????????? 
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